


A Leaf Falls

by The_lazy_eye



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Angst, It Fandom Week, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Pining, Poetry fic, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-29
Updated: 2018-08-29
Packaged: 2019-07-04 08:58:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15838002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_lazy_eye/pseuds/The_lazy_eye
Summary: A movement in the distance caught Eddie’s eye. The wind slowed to a lull and when he turned his head he noticed a bright red leaf falling towards the ground. He watched it as it swished high above the ground. Its descent was a slow, loving dance with the autumn air.





	A Leaf Falls

**Author's Note:**

> It Fandom Week, Day Five: August 29th- Song fic/ Poetry

The autumn air was cool on his skin. It wasn’t cold enough for the wind to really bite at him but when it blew it sent shivers up his back.

Eddie was laying in the grass in a clearing not too far from his house. It was on the outskirts of Derry but still inside the town’s limits. No one really knew about this little spot. Eddie had found it one day when he was much younger. He was on one of his walks to the train yards, eager to watch the trains roll in and out of Derry, when he decided to take a small shortcut through the woods. He stumbled into the clearing and fell in love instantly and in the years since it has become something of a safe haven for him. No one else knew about it. He’s never brought anyone here. Before this little clearing in the woods Eddie had never had any place to himself before. He had no privacy in his house. His room was routinely searched by his mother and every other space in their one-story home was communal. There was no space for him at school either. Lockers and backpacks and school notebooks don’t count as privacy. They can all be broken into, read, lost. They didn’t matter. There was no place in the world Eddie Kaspbrak could go to be himself until here so he kept it under lock and key. He was allowed to be selfish.

And who knew the public world could be so private?

He was on his back with his hands propped under his head. The sky was open above him and framed by a circle of trees. The leaves were starting to change color. Little traces of red and yellow were edging into the green expanse of his visual perimeter. Some of the leaves had already completely turned one color or another. Part of Eddie loved it. He loved when the colors started to creep into the world. Green was a beautiful color but after three whole months it became monotonous. The colors that came with autumn season were new and exciting. The problem was that this was short lived. Fall would inevitably succumb to winter and it would happen all too quickly. Soon the trees would be barren and the ground would get hard and the air would freeze. His entire world would be turned from beautiful, bright colors to a muted grey. The snow would come and everything would die along with it.

There was something calming about the way the trees were dancing in the wind, though. The branches rustled together and the sound rushed past Eddie. He closed his eyes and drew in a deep breath through his nose. The air had that crisp smell – the one that only comes with the change of the seasons. Soon his senses would be used to it and it would become dull and unnoticeable, but right now he could smell it. He took another deep breath, trying to savor it. He knew it would be gone soon. Everything in this world is temporary.

This was going to be one of the last times he could make it out to this spot. The school year had kicked off and the workload of his junior year was heavy. He had to get high marks to get into a good school, he had to prepare for his standardized tests, he had to take his SATs and ACTs and college placement tests. There was no more leisure time to wander out here and just _be._ Plus, with the weather dropping his mother was less likely to let him venture out without exact details on where he was going to be, how long he was going to be there, and whether or not he was going to be indoors. The winter months always made Sonia even more unbearable that she already was. Summer was dangerous because Eddie could fall and break his arm like when he was younger. Winter was dangerous because it was the season of the sick. Colds, flues, sniffles, coughs. They all sent her running and screaming to the hospital with Eddie in tow. It was fucking miserable.

A movement in the distance caught Eddie’s eye. The wind slowed to a lull and when he turned his head he noticed a bright red leaf falling towards the ground. He watched it as it swished high above the ground. Its descent was a slow, loving dance with the autumn air. _It’s beautiful_ , Eddie thought.

As the leaf slowly fell Eddie thought of what brought him here to his sanctuary for one final moment of peace until the Spring reappeared. The red of the leaf was bright, the kind that mimicked the color of the sunset on a summer night when the light was stretching for miles and it lasted longer than should have been possible. Those were the kinds of nights that were filled with laughter and friends and the impossibly whole feeling that came along with it. Nights that were filled with warmth and love and everything Eddie has ever wanted in the world.

Another shiver made its way through Eddie’s body causing him to bring his arms down and knit them tightly over his chest. He stayed on his back, though, head angled towards that one, falling leaf. It reminded him of himself.

At the beginning of the school year Eddie had the distinct honor of watching, play by play, something that could be compared to a mating ritual. His best friend, and coincidentally the love of his young life, had met someone. Her name was Heather and Richie had taken a liking to her immediately. In fact, Richie had taken a liking to her sometime last year. He did some pigtail pulling and everyone thought it was a lost cause when she punched him in the face towards the end of the year. As it turns out, over the summer she had changed her mind and Richie had changed his ways. He must have been hanging out with Ben too much because Richie had gone from pigtail puller to suave master of romance and swept Heather off of her feet.

Eddie got to watch as Richie picked out flowers for her. He got to help him choose outfits for both everyday school interactions and actual, real life dates. He got to listen as Richie filtered up against lockers and at the lunch table. He got to see, first hand, as Richie was pulled further and further away from him.

The leaf floated down slightly before cutting a sharp right and moving up in the air a little bit. It stayed for a moment before gliding down again.

It wasn’t fair. Eddie was absolutely head over heels for Richie and he had somehow become his right-hand wingman for Richie’s romantic escapades. It wouldn’t have been so bad if it hadn’t actually worked. Heather was absolutely wooed and her and Richie were now going steady. They have had 5 total dates over the course of two months, Richie had gotten her flowers three times, and they had kissed roughly 20 times that Eddie knew of.

He wasn’t counting on purpose. He just sort of _knew_.

And that was only what Eddie knew of. He doesn’t want to think about what they’ve gotten up to behind closed doors. Heather has been to Richie’s multiple times and Eddie knows for a fact that Richie’s parents were gone at least one of those times. Richie had told him himself. He was all smiles and winks and nudges and Eddie prayed to a God that he wasn’t sure he believed in that it was just Richie’s regular banter. He prayed there was no truth behind those jokes.

The leaf sunk slowly before a small bit of wind caused it to spin harshly two times. Its red body moved fluidly through the air. It looked light and free, something Eddie could only hope to be.

Eddie had spent the majority of his life pining after Richie. When he first realized he wasn’t straight it was an undeniable panic. He avoided Richie for weeks until he snapped and crawled through Richie’s window. Richie had been mad but forgave Eddie without question. He didn’t know why Eddie vanished from his life but he accepted him back with open arms. After that, Eddie relished in all of their physical contact. Richie had always been a particularly touchy friend. He always had an arm slung over someone’s neck or his feet on someone’s lap. Any chance he could, Richie Tozier was touching one of the Losers. It was all completely platonic, of course, but Eddie lived for those moments. He always felt awful after. He wondered what Richie would say if he knew that his gay friend cherished their shared touches. Touches that were only supposed to be friendly. Richie would probably be disgusted or mad. Eddie was basically lying to him. He was basically using Richie for his own gain. He disgusted himself sometimes.

For a minute, Eddie thought he had a chance. He always thought Richie was closer with him. He always thought that maybe, just maybe, the touches came more often and lingered just a little longer. Maybe the kisses on his face and the _cute, cute, cute_ Richie always called him meant more than just guys being dudes. Apparently not. Apparently, that’s all they were ever going to be because if Eddie knows anything about anything it’s that there was a hickey as plain as day on Heather’s neck at school today and it sure as fuck didn’t come from a curling iron.

A buzzing noise shakes him out of his thoughts for a moment. His backpack back was lying where it was haphazardly thrown about three feet away from him and he had purposefully left his phone buried in the small front pocket. This was not a place for distractions. He’s brought books and school work and journals out here before but he refused to bring his phone into this. This place was private, sacred. He unplugs entirely when he’s here. It’s like he leaves this dimension and is teleported to an entirely new world. Realistically, he knows he’s a ten-minute walk from his front door but there is an unspoken feeling here. If he intentionally brought his phone into this space it would taint it. It would be like bringing someone else here and it would disrupt the illusion of peace and privacy that he’s created.

He opted to ignore the buzz. The only way he would check it is if he were leaving and he isn’t ready to leave. Not yet. He isn’t ready to face reality again. Instead, his attention falls back on the leaf. It’s farther to the left when his eyes lock onto it. There’s something captivating about the way it’s falling. The way it spins around and around with itself. The way it dances its red, lonely dance to the ground. _It’s a rite of passage for a leaf_ , Eddie thinks, _it’s on a journey to the end of its life_. When it finishes its descent it will be dissolved into the soil and continue the cycle that is life. This leaf’s death will aid in the composition of the soil and bring nutrients to the dirt. It will help the grass regrow in the spring, maybe even lend a hand to the tree from which it fell. 

Maybe that’s what Eddie is doing. Maybe Eddie is the one dancing that lonely dance. He’s spinning by himself and falling faster with every passing movement. The only thing that’s waiting for him at the bottom of his fall is a cold, unforgiving ground and the confirmation of his heartbreak. He’ll float to the bottom and rest in the dirt until his body finally breaks down and he becomes one with the world around him. He’ll give life to his friends and family. He’ll return his love from whence it came. And maybe, just maybe, he’ll grow into the strong oak he lies underneath and he’ll stand tall again.

 

**Author's Note:**

> This work is for ItFandomWeek for the poetry prompt! The poem that inspired this work is l(a by e.e. cummings and is my all-time favorite poem in existence to the point where I have it tattooed on my thigh. I had a blast turning this into content for the IT fandom so I hope you all like it! The poem is as follows:
> 
> l(a  
> le  
> af  
> fa  
> ll  
> s)  
> one  
> l  
> iness
> 
> I will provide my interpretation for context because at first glance this isn’t a poem, it’s some poor homosexuals keysmash ft. the enter key. Keep in mind this is my personal interpretation.
> 
> Inside the parenthesis are the words “a leaf falls.” Outside the parenthesis is the word “loneliness”. When read analytically it reads as “A leaf falls in loneliness.” When I read this, I think of the journey from the tree to the ground as being an extremely lonely process. The leaf falls from the only thing it’s ever known to basically death as it cannot sustain life on its own. This poem has some heavy visual symbolism, too. First, it’s shaped like the number one. Second, the way the LE and AF vowel/ consonants rotate remind me of the way a leaf spins and twists as if falls from the tree. Third, the word one is the only word fully spelled out in the poem. And finally, any of the L’s are standing alone save for the first one which is needed to couple with the A for the parenthesis to make sense.
> 
> Yeah, anyway, this is probably the only time I’ll ever get super nerdy about poetry so I hope it wasn’t pretentious and I hope the piece I wrote to accompany this poem makes sense.
> 
> If you want to yell at me or ask for a picture of my e.e. cummings inspired tattoo you can do so at reddie-for-anything.tumblr.com.


End file.
